I’d been up all night. It was in the early hours of the morning, after a Pro Evolution marathon that I thought to myself “Gilbert, you’re going to have to write a review on this game”. Ever since that point I’d been hammering out a suit of body armour from my vast collection of baking tins, and ensuring that my frail frame was unable to conduct electricity. Readying myself for this moment, this statement – ‘This is the first time I’ve ever played Pro Evolution Soccer’.
I heard the baying of hounds break out across the neighbourhood as a group of irate geeks started to hunt me down with reckless abandon. They knew – They knew I’d played FIFA from the beginning. They knew I’d played each new edition of FIFA that had emerged. They knew I was just a cheap harlot being exploited by EA. They knew it was too late for me.
I awoke around midday to an inquisition. My girlfriend had found me slumped behind the bin in the kitchen, snoring rather loudly. Why was I hiding behind the bin? Why had I taped all my baking tins to my body? Why was I wearing a pair of old incontinence pants? Well, you all know the answer as well as I do – enforced insomnia, that disease that haunts every hardened gamers life. I’d been up 24 hours with no sleep, 1 cup of water and a packet of crisps to sustain me. Clearly I was setting myself up for a fall, which came in the guise of wild hallucinations.
There is only one reason for such a marathon to occur: Encountering an incredibly great game. ‘How great?’ you ask, well let’s find out…
